understanding joy

Bike Magazine is not what first comes to mind for most people if they were to list sources of relationship advice. I mostly enjoy the pictures, although the articles are generally readable and entertaining as well. Anyway, in the latest issue (July 2017), tucked into the end of a profile on Reg Mullett, who holds the world’s record for most descending on a mountain bike in 24 hours – who knew? – was a profound tidbit. Or at least it made me stop and think. Apparently Reg rides pretty much all the time and is often out and about on adventures, to the point where the author seemed a bit surprised that he’s married. (Reg that is. Don’t know the author’s marital status.) There is a bit in the article about Reg’s wife, and then the quote by Reg that got me: “She understands my joy.” Wow. To be able to see what someone else loves and is driven to do, and accept – or in some way be OK that it often takes them away from you, that is a love. I suppose when someone is passionate about something that is part of what makes them who they are, and is no doubt part of the attraction. But to really take the whole package… yeah. That’s Something.

As I read that I realized my ex did not understand my joy. Kinda depressing to think about, but I doubt it was even on the radar. Well maybe that’s unnecessarily harsh. It’s not that joy wasn’t allowed, it just had to fit within certain parameters. And I didn’t have the concept or vocabulary or whatever you want to call it to realize that should be part of a relationship. That my joy should be understood. Hmn. Now I have met someone through a shared joy, which in many ways makes this bit easier, but who knows what will happen in the future. I know it’s not the only thing for a relationship, but it seems important to be able to understand another’s joy.

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